How Do I Cope With My Emotions Immediately After My Wife Had An Affair

How Do I Cope With My Emotions Immediately After My Wife Had An Affair

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No doubt, one of the most challenging periods to go through as a husband, is finding out that your wife had an affair. The emotions that you are feeling right now are paralyzing to say the least. Is it better to keep these feelings inside and hope they go away on their own, or is it better to bring them out into the open? Let's discuss how best you can cope with your emotions.

~ Whose Fault?

Depending on the situation in your marriage, leading up to your wife having an affair, you may feel a little guilt or responsibility for your wife's infidelity. Let me make this clear; unless you gave her explicit instructions to sleep around, this affair is her fault and hers alone. Yes, she made the decision to be intimate with another guy and tried to keep it under your radar indefinitely.

~ Keep My Feelings or Express Them?

The natural reaction taken by men immediately after finding out that their wife had an affair is to express their bitter feelings. So should you. You have every right to be furious, sad, and it would only make things worse if you pretend to be unaffected by the affair. It would only serve to make you resent your wife even more if you keep your feelings bottled up.

So what you do is openly express how you feel towards your wife. Let her see whatever emotions you are experiencing. Vent your feelings and express your strong disapproval of her affair, and how it's affecting your relationship, family etc.

~ Other Bad Stuff She Did

You may want to use this opportunity to express your disapproval of any other clandestine actions your wife may have taken before the affair. The things she did, knowing they were against what your marriage stood for. The things she thought you wouldn't have noticed.

~ Two Wrongs = Wrong

Of course, just because your wife had an affair recently, it does not give you an excuse to commit the same atrocity with another woman, as a way to make it even with your wife. That would make you look just as bad, if not worse.

Your temper is sure to flare after your wife's affair, but do not become a wife beater here. As corny as that sounds, it's true. If you and your wife have kids, they are going to look at you as the only bad guy in all of this. Also, there are other consequences that you should be well aware of. Refrain from hitting your wife, or intentionally doing damage to material things at home.

Also refrain from talking about divorce and calling her anything that would bring any haunting memories. In the heat of the moment, you'll be tempted to say things that you don't mean, but try to keep these to a minimum. You're supposed to let out how you truly feel.

~ "What if my wife had an affair several years ago and has now confessed?"

Same as above. When you find out about your wife's affair, you strongly express your feelings and disapproval about her betrayal. Give her a strong tongue lashing. Call her out on her past wrongdoings that you pretended not to notice. If you want to break down and cry, why should you hold back your tears? If you want to scream, let it out.

~ When The Feelings Are Subsiding

These negative emotions you are going through, won't be forever. They will leave you gradually. They may return occasionally with varying intensity, and when that happens, don't keep them bottled up.

~ Healing Yourself & Your Marriage

Eventually, the negative feelings will be mostly replaced by optimistic ones. It pretty much means that you are healing. When you've gotten your emotions under control, you can then focus on making progress after your wife's affair, such as improving your marriage, improving communication etc.

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